What Wouldn't I Give?
by TomFieldings
Summary: A series of one-shots related to the Lorien Legacies. Mostly tied to my other fanfic- 'The Battle of Ten (sequel to The Fall of Five)'. They may be happy, sad, dark, angry- mostly randomly based on my ideas or mood. Rated T for violence. Enjoy, and please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is my one-shot story based on the Lorien Legacies. Most of them will be tied to my other fanfic, 'The Battle of Ten (sequel to The Fall of Five)', but a few may be related to the actual books. I'll be sure to mention whether they are or not.  
This small one-shot just occurred to me while writing an essay for school. It's about how the Mogodorian invasion of Lorien started. It's written in third-person past tense format, and it's from the point of view of a true-born Mog soldier. Enjoy, and please review!**

Invasion

He clutched the bag tightly as he pushed through the crowd, making his way through the narrow alleyway that served as a shortcut to the Elder Auditorium. He had to be careful now. It would not do to have come so far only to be hindered because he lost his grip on the cargo and it was swallowed by the crowd.

It was a little past sunset, and whatever little sunlight that remained in the sky being leached out fast, making way for the surreal black night sky, studded with bright, twinkling stars and pink, swirling nebulae. Lorien's two moons hung in the sky, shining a dull white, and bathing the surroundings in a silvery glow. Around him, the crowd pushed and jostled good-naturedly as they made their way to the Auditorium, to listen to their Elders' speech in celebration of the Quarter-Moon.

'This is Delta-Four.' the Mogodorian muttered, holding his wrist to his mouth as he spoke. The watch he wore on his left wrist appeared battered, and its leather strap seemed frayed, but it was actually fitted with a highly advanced transmitter that operated on an unhackable coded frequency. He used it now to communicate with his team leader. 'I'm in position. Over.'

General Andrakkus Sutekh's crisp voice sounded through the receiver in his ear. 'Roger that.' he said sharply. 'You're late, Delta-Four. Units Delta-One, Delta-Two and Delta-Three were in position well before sunset. Over.'

'I got held up in a security check near the market-place.' the Mogodorian replied smoothly. 'You know how delicate the cargo is. It took some time to fool those scum passing for security at the LDA.'

'No excuses, Delta-Four.' the General snapped. 'Hurry up now. You know what to do. I expect results within fifteen minutes. Over and out.'

'Over and out.' the soldier whispered, drawing his hand away from his face, pretending to cough violently for the sake of the curious glances the pedestrians sent his way. With his thin serious face and tanned complexion, he looked surprisingly Loric, and this allowed him to blend into the crowd within moments. Anyone who caught sight of his suspicious behaviour or his soulless black eyes found him missing the moment they diverted their gaze in his direction.

The crowd had thinned a bit while he spoke, and now he strolled languidly through the alley and up the traffic-clogged road, ambling unhurriedly towards his destination ahead.

The Elder Auditorium rose majestically in front of him, seeming like a serene lotus in the whirlpool of movement that was Lorien's capital city. The soldier walked in through the front entrance, nodding politely to the volunteer doorman, and making his way confidently towards the front row. The Elders' representatives were already seated in their customary seats of honour, their faces masks of serenity and peace.

'Excuse me, sir.' an official called out, his voice polite but firm, as the Mogodorian neatly sidestepped the security check counter. His hand strayed to his pocket, fingering a small remote with a single large button. 'I'm afraid you need to go through security.'

The soldier grinned and pulled out the remote, flourishing it like a magician showing off his wand. 'I already am past security.' he said, his finger pausing tantalizingly for a fraction of a second, before stabbing down at the button of the remote.

In that single frozen moment of comprehension, he could hear the robotic beep of the receiver in his bag, and the shrill, high-pitched beginnings of a woman's scream.

Then the bomb in his bag exploded. And the invasion began.

**Sorry, that one was really short. I'm actually not sure what possessed me to write it. I'm having some seriously dark thoughts nowadays. Next one will be longer, and hopefully, more cheerful.  
Thanks for reading, and, as always, please review!**


	2. Invisible

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the reviews! A shout-out to PD106, . . .Five, Guest/Sapphire/Penguin/Prajnaa (exactly how many aliases do you have? :P), EpicLoric24, thesecondgarde and scone104 for reviewing! Thanks so much!  
Alright, the next couple of chapters are going to be tributes to some of my favourite songs. I was going to do a one-shot on Eight first, but this song fitted in so perfectly with Six, I couldn't resist. Enjoy!**

Invisible

I wake up with a scream, my eyes snapping open, my breath coming in short, sharp jerks. I just had another nightmare. Again.

It's been six months since Katarina's death, and every night, I'm powerless against the dreams which drag me through my memories, like horses pulling a carriage. Sometimes, I'll have a "good" night, and my dreams will be recollections of my happier times with Katarina- our games of Shadow or Risk, training, joking, laughing- and when I wake up, the worst I'll feel is a pang of nostalgia, longing for the past. Or I'll have a "bad" night, in which I'm forced to witness everything once again- our capture, her torture, and her death.

You probably figured out by now that this is a "bad" night.

I shudder and try to calm myself, taking deep breaths to slow my heartbeat, but it's too late. The image of the Mogodorian plunging the knife into her heart is already seared into my brain. It's going to be a while before it wears off.

I start shaking, my mind still addled with shock. It seems like it wasn't enough for me to witness her death once. I've relived it more times than I can count now, in my dreams.

All this- it just keeps getting harder and harder for me to take. Katarina's death has drained away all my happiness, all my warmth. Sometimes I'm filled with rage, with vengeance, with black tendrils of anger swirling together in me like a hurricane. Sometimes I'm like this- sad, unhappy, and alone.

The most disturbing part is that I haven't cried. The sorrow and regret I felt at her death still haunts me, but it doesn't affect me anymore. That pain has faded long ago. What I feel now is far, far worse than tears. It's an emptiness inside me, a hollow where Katarina was, where she should be. And every day, little by little, I feel the hollow consuming me, sucking out my life like my own personal black hole.

It's loneliness.

With Katarina gone, I feel more alone than I ever was before. Sorrow and regret can be shared, can be understood, can fade away. But my loneliness only gets worse. And on a "bad" night like this, it drives me to the brink of despair.

I try to hold it in, but after a while I can't stand it anymore. I let out a scream of frustration and yank at my hair. How much longer am I supposed to take this? It's been barely six months, and I'm already going insane. For all I know, I might not meet the rest of the Garde for years. How am I going to last that long?

The part of me that _is_ still sane is completely unsurprised. It's become almost normal for me to have these fits now. The first few times, I ended up destroying a large portion of my room and had to sneak out before authorities came to investigate. Now I've at least learnt to control it a bit.

Not that that's any consolation.

I let out another scream of frustration and jump out of bed, scrabbling at my bedside table for the music player I saw lying there earlier. I desperately need a distraction. With a sob, I wrench the headphones over my ears and press play.

The sound of music fills my ears, and instantly I feel a little better. For a couple of hours, I sit in the same position, curled up in a ball, my legs pressed against my chest, moonlight streaming through the open window on to my face. The songs are soothing, and even though I don't listen to the words at first, I feel my heartbeat slowing, my breath evening out. I just listen, enraptured, letting my thoughts wander, unafraid. And for the first time since the cave, I feel completely calm. Serene.

At peace.

After a while, I slip off the headphones and return them to the table. I know that it was weakness that had caused me to put them on in the first place, and that I should not have given in. In fact, it was downright dangerous. The Mogs could have sneaked up on me while I was off guard. Yet somehow, I'm glad that I did.

I curl up under my blanket, slowly drifting away to sleep, the words of that last song still echoing in my head. And once again, just for a brief instant, I feel that same calm.

Maybe this will be one of my "good" nights after all.

I smile and fall asleep, the ending of the song still playing in my head.

_Hear me out,  
There's so much more to life than what you're  
Feeling now,  
And some day when you look back on these days,  
And all this pain is gonna be  
Invisible._

**Hope you guys liked it! The song is called 'Invisible', by Hunter Hayes. He played it for the Grammies, if any of you watched. Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	3. If I Lose Myself

**Hey guys! Sorry I've not updated for so long! I've been really busy with exams, and my other story, and I honestly didn't have time to work out a one-shot, even though I'd had lots of ideas. Then this one just occurred to me, and I loved the thought so much, I just had to post it.  
It's about when the Garde are in the ship, waiting to see the outcome of the war so they know whether they have to escape, or if they can return to Lorien. It's entirely in Henri's POV, and I hope you enjoy.  
The song is called 'If I Lose Myself' by One Republic, and it's given in italics throughout the story, on separate paragraphs. I thought it just fits in so perfectly with this story, I just had to insert it. It's a beautiful song, and it sounds completely made for this moment. In fact, this song is what gave me the idea.  
Anyway, I've blabbered long enough. Read, and enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lorien Legacies (which belongs to Pittacus Lore) or If I Lose Myself (which belongs to One Republic, who, by the way, are awesome).**

If I Lose Myself

Henri

I stare through the porthole of the ship to the planet below. Despite the war raging over the cities, so much of it still looks so beautiful and serene, like white lilies of retreat from the mud-pool of turmoil that has struck it. Massive explosions and flashes of lightning break the darkness that has clouded Lorien, piercing through the thick clouds of ash, dust, and mutilated body parts, that choke the atmosphere like a haze.

I squint through the smoke during these brief moments and try to make sense of the battle going on below, trying to find an anchor that would give me a clue as to the outcome. Although that was hardly ever in any doubt. The Loric may be powerful, but most of them are peaceful, and have hardly had an ounce of training in their entire lives. They would quickly succumb to the endless waves of Mogodorian soldiers that have flooded my home, like flies swarming a rotting carcass.

I have a sudden pang of nostalgia, and I try to remember Lorien as it was before- peaceful, pristine, lush, and beautiful. I remember walking through the lush green fields, hand in hand with Julie, taking my Garde for a picnic on one of the rare LDA holidays, exploring the quiet, dense forests, teeming with life of all sorts, and even longer ago, dancing with my grandparents in celebration of Quarter Moon, the moment twilight faded into night, making way for the night sky, blue-black like the glistening belly of a whale, studded with stars and adorned with pink, swirling nebulae, lit only by the pale sheen of Lorien's two moons and the colourful sparks of exploding firecrackers. Night was always the most beautiful time to be outdoors on Lorien, and back then, my life was perfect. I had no worries, no burdens, no goals, nothing. The fate of a planet didn't rest on my shoulders. There was just my life, and I was living it.

I know it's useless to wish that I could go back to those times, but I still have to supress the sorrow and regret that shoots through me at the sight of my dying planet. There was still so much left undone, so much that I wanted to do. And the way this war is likely to go, I doubt I will ever return.

So I might as well avoid shirking from my responsibility. I am the leader of the Cepans now, and it is my duty to cut our losses.

But not yet. It is not my duty to be heartless. I am _not_ heartless.

_Xxx_

_ I stared up… At the sun….._

I'm roused from my sleep by Kater, who leans over me, gently shaking my shoulder. Her hair is dishevelled, and there are bags under her eyes, like she didn't sleep, which makes sense, since it was her turn to keep watch today. Her eyes brim with unshed tears.

'It's time.' she says, choking on her words. 'We're… We're leaving.'

A lump forms in my throat, and I'm instantly out of my bed. It's been a month now since we've been circling Lorien, waiting for the war to get over, praying desperately for a miracle, an indicator that we won't have to leave. If we're going now, it must mean the battle is over.

And we've lost.

_Thought of all of the people, places and things I've loved…._

I look into Kater's eyes, and a silent understanding passes between us. We both know that, despite the risk of getting caught the longer we stay here, we can't leave just yet. Not without giving the others one last look at their home.

So I turn away and pad to the bed beside me, where Four lies sleeping. His blonde hair falls over his eyes, fluttering gently as he snores, and his tiny fists are clenched. I smile at him, but the moment is bittersweet right now.

Not bothering to wake him, I gather him in my arms and carry him to the dining area, where I know the others will come when Kater wakes them up. I instantly make for the porthole, which is set into the wall, looking out on to our planet.

_I stared up… Just to see…_

Lorien lies shrouded in darkness, choked by the clouds of ash and dust that clog the air, impenetrable by the little light given out by the bright stars in the black night sky. Occasionally, in patches dotted all over the planet, the tendrils of darkness would give way to something much worse- the flitting of vague shadows, like ants crawling over a corpse. The bright glow of life that was exuded by the planet, what seemed like a lifetime ago, has completely disappeared. I choke back a sob as I think of everyone who lived on that planet- peaceful, kind, generous, happy. They're all gone now, and all that's left is the barren, lifeless husk of a dead planet.

_Of all of the faces, you were the one next to me…_

'Brandon?' I hear a small voice say, and I glance down to see Four staring at me, his eyes sleep-deprived but alert, filled with fear as he takes in the sight of our dying home.

'Yeah, buddy?' I ask, my voice gentle and soothing.

'Did we…. Did we win?' he asks, and there's no hope in his voice, only anguish. He already knows what happened.

'No, buddy.' I say, my voice heavy. 'No, we didn't.'

_You can see a light, start to tremble…_

Four doesn't say anything, just nods, but tears spill out of his eyes. He's still so young, but his resourcefulness and strength never cease to amaze me. My confirmation was all he needed, now he's not going to complain or protest, like any of the other Garde. He's just going to accept it, and mourn.

I set him down just as the others begin to pile into the room, their eyes streaming with tears as they press their faces against the window, trying to burn this image into their eyes. Some of the Garde hang back, terrified of what they may see. Nevertheless, I see them creep up to their Cepans slowly, one by one, and peer through the glass.

_Washing what you know, out to sea…_

I feel something tugging my hand, and I look down to see Four gently grabbing my fingers, holding on to them for strength, and giving me his own. I swallow a lump in my throat. Sometimes, his thoughtfulness make me feel like he's my Cepan, not the other way round.

I whisper a thanks, and turn to face the window again. The others line up beside me, staring out one last time, as the ship slowly begins to break out of Lorien's orbit, and suddenly, abruptly, rockets away.

I feel another hand curl into my free one, and I whip my head around in surprise. I see Kater cradling it, tears streaming down her face, with Six gently grasping her other hand.

Almost unconsciously, all of us reach out and grab someone else's hand, seeking comfort from each other's presence. I see Four's fingers slip into Nine's, who's hanging on to Sandor to his right. I distinctly make out Seven and Eight's fingers intertwine, and I see their Cepans on either side, holding on to One and Five.

_You can see your life, far out the window….._

We stand together for a long time, staring through the porthole, watching our home grow smaller and smaller by the moment. I feel a tear rolling down my cheek, and I quickly brush it away. Everyone is thinking the same thing, and I feel it pop into my mind too.

Will I ever come back?

_Tonight…_

I shake the thought away and go back to staring out of the window with the others, until my home, along with almost everyone I ever loved, fades into a pinprick in the distance, and eventually disappears.

I don't let go of Four's hand, but I feel a sense of doom crawling through my spine. No one stirs. Somehow, in that moment, I can already sense that none of us Cepans will ever come back alive.

_If I lose myself tonight,  
It'll be by your side.  
I lose myself tonight…_

_If I lose myself tonight,  
It'll be you and I….  
Lose myself tonight….._

**Hope you enjoyed that! Thanks for reading, and please review!**


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